Healing in progress or how to wait for the light to shine again

I wanna be honest with you. For the last few weeks something has been off. When I tried to go within and connect with my inner self, a sign was dangling above the front door: “I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.” It would have been easy to blame the moon, mercury retrograde or whatever, but deep down I knew that I had entered a healing phase. Oh, shit!! Ahem, I mean: Thank you Universe, Divine Consciousness, for another opportunity to heal!

As I write this, I feel renewed and replenished leaving a bit more of the darkness behind, being more in the light and feeling lighter too. The heaviness is gone.

Who said healing would be a walk in the park?

Anyway, I embraced it. It is part of my journey as a human being and of my soul’s plan. When I embarked on this path I committed to evolving and growing in good times AND in bad.

When I experienced my first healing phase I was naive enough to think that this had been it, until the next one showed up and I realised that healing was a process. The good thing is I know that at some point the veil will be lifted and I can see clearly again. When I’m in the middle of it darkness enwraps me. I am limited by my mind and the judgements about myself. It’s hard to reconnect with my true essence. But it’s worth it. This waiting for the light to shine again is worth it.

In those moments, my self-care routines and spiritual practices become even more important to me. I truly listen to what I need by being aware, mindful, and present with myself. Whatever I’m longing for I give it to me. It may be meditation, Reiki self-treatments, healthy plant-based food, time in nature, an early night, or some dark chocolate, a glass of red wine, some episodes of my favourite TV show on Netflix and just being a couch potato. I am only human.

Healing involves tears streaming down my face while practising Reiki, having vivid dreams, feeling pain in my joints and leaving the pain behind by releasing old stuck emotions from my energetic body, or thought patterns and limiting beliefs coming from my subconscious mind into my consciousness, from the darkness into the light.

More and more pieces are starting to come together. I get a clearer picture of my shadow self and my inner child which I can add to my ‘lessons learned’ file. It allows me to learn from my experiences and ascend to the next level of self-awareness. It takes my life to the next level.

Ok, here are some insights I have received during this last healing phase. My innermost beliefs about myself that had been formed in my childhood were: “I am not lovable. I am not enough. I am not being taken seriously. I am not important. I should be different.” My aha moment was when I realised that the root cause of all this was fear of rejection. Bam! I sat for a while to let this realisation sink in. It explained a lot about my past and lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Healing was possible through quieting my mind and being present in the moment. The identification with those beliefs and the narrative I had made up about myself, my false self, have come to an end. And now I’m able to transform my life, rewire my brain with affirmations like “I am lovable. I am enough. I am worthy.”, and feel love and light emanating from within me.

This is not easy to remember in the midst of a healing phase, when I’m in a dark place. I just try to be patient, be gentle with myself, and give myself time to heal. This is surrendering to what is and accepting the present moment fully.

By releasing pain from my pain body and overcoming the fear of rejection I have gone through further inner transformation. And FINALLY the light starts shining from within me again, accompanied by joy and lightness, more inner peace, a feeling of ease and being at home. I feel empowered to express my authentic self and show it to the world, to speak my inner truth, and to shine my light brightly.

By finding stillness within I feel unlimited and eternal. I am whole. I am love. I am the light of my soul. I am not only the wave but also the ocean (Thank you Eckhart Tolle! I love you.). I am not only the surface but also the depth of my being. I am that essence that can’t be put into words. I can feel it when I’m still, when I anchor myself to the present moment, when I’m aware of the now, when I’m the neutral observer, when I’m aligned with the Universe’s natural flow.

This spiritual practice is so simple. Why isn’t everyone doing it? Or maybe that’s why I have been urged to write this post.

Come. Sit down. Or while you are doing whatever you are doing:








Ines Kirste

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