You cannot rush your healing or how to be a self-healer: Part II

In part I you could read what it means to truly BE on this journey of self-healing.

Now I want to go a little deeper so that you can look and check, where you are on this journey. Are you transitioning from DOING the work to BEING it? Or are you stuck in the doing?

In the beginning, of course, people’s focus lies on doing the work.

As we embark on this journey, we look for inspiration, for what other people have done. We have to start somewhere. So we try different healing techniques that resonate with us and seek guidance from spiritual teachers, coaches, therapists, etc.

There’s nothing wrong with that, because at this point our intuition may not yet be sufficiently developed so that we cannot receive the guidance from our team in spirit and our higher self.

As we engage in the work, step by step, we begin to overcome our old self with all its conditioning and programming. We become aware of our limiting beliefs, thought patterns, old stories, and habits that no longer serve us. We release stuck emotions. We begin to self-regulate our emotional state and reflect on how we show up in the world on a daily basis. It’s a continuous process of transformation, where we overcome our old self and embrace our most authentic self.

The further we get on our journey, the more confidence we develop in our own healing abilities. Not only does our intuition become stronger, but we are also more confident and trusting in every now moment. We realise that we are indeed self-healers. This is the turning point where we transition from doing the work to being it.

But if we continue to DO the work, there will come a moment when we will be asked to trust more in the natural unfolding of our healing journey and let go of our crutches or training wheels. When we cling too tightly to our practices, we are somehow standing in the way of the Divine to fully step in so that our healing and transformation can unfold naturally in alignment with the Universe.

Here are a few examples of traps we can fall into on our journey, where we get stuck in doing and don’t transition to being, i.e. when we don’t embody and master our self-healing abilities and a new way of showing up in this world.

1. You attend seminar after seminar, read book after book and still don’t see much progress on your path.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t attend workshops, see a therapist, read books, etc. Not at all!

The difference is: are you doing it to get inspired and improve your skills? Or are you stuck in the search?

If the latter is the case, you have fallen into the trap of still looking outside yourself. You are busy searching on the outside, when in reality everything you need is within you.

2. You are still in a pattern of co-dependency.

If you don’t tend to the wounds caused by this dysfunctional family pattern that you adapted as a child, they will dictate your adult life.

On the spiritual path, this can show up as putting spiritual teachers, healers, therapists, etc. on a pedestal or losing yourself in group settings.

You follow their teachings, attend all their seminars, retreats, etc., but you stay stuck in the pattern of co-dependency, where you have no sense of self, where you ignore your own needs and have no personal boundaries. This leaves the door open for spiritual teachers who aren’t actually from the light. You are easy prey for cults, false gurus or just people who want to take advantage of you and are after your money.

On our journey, we need time to ourselves, where we retreat into solitude to be able to fully surrender to whatever comes up for healing and to give our bodies time to recalibrate. If you join a group too soon, or if it’s the only thing you do, you become dependent on the group and do not take full responsibility for your healing. We are responsible for our own healing. We cannot give our responsibility away.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking support in groups, but there needs to be a balance with spending time in solitude.

Caterpillars do not retreat together into a chrysalis. No, they are alone in there until they transform and emerge as a beautiful butterfly. This is a wonderful symbol of our own journey and emphasises the importance of solitude. We embrace our alone time to be able to transform into a butterfly and fully spread our wings.

As you begin to heal your wounds from co-dependency, you start to trust your own inner guidance and follow what feels right to you, not what someone else says, because healing is not a “one-size-fits-all” thing. Meaning, there’s not THE tool that applies to everyone. I like to say that every student of life begins to fill their own tool box with a variety of tools that resonate with them, with their soul.

3. You still don’t trust your inner guidance.

In the beginning, our intuition is this soft, inner voice. Whereby, our ego and the chatter in our head are quite loud and noisy. It takes practise to quiet the mind and be able to receive the messages from our intuition and our team in spirit.

And even if you do hear your intuition, you might not follow its guidance because you don’t trust it, or because it’s easier to ignore it, because you don’t like what your gut feeling is telling you.

It’s a skill that we learn to master more and more as we progress on our journey.

A simple exercise to strengthen your intuition is: When you have to decide between different options, say option 1 out loud or in your head, and feel how your body reacts. Does your body feel light? Does your chest open? Or does your body feel heavy and your chest close? The latter is a “no” from your intuition. The first is a “yes”. And then you can do this with the other options as well.

4. You are still in stress mode.

Your spiritual practices have become just another means to distract yourself from the discomfort you are feeling. You may think you have created a healthy habit, but in reality you have just replaced one addiction, obsession, or escapist strategy with another to distract or numb yourself.

How do you know if this applies to you? Firstly, your meditation, your yoga practice, etc. is another item on your to-do list that needs to be checked. There’s no real joy involved. You are not truly looking forward to it. It’s an “I should” or “I have to”. Secondly, you try to keep yourself busy to avoid those uncomfortable emotions that arise immediately when you pause for a moment.

Therefore, your body is still in stress mode, is out of balance, and you cannot fully relax into the present moment. Healing can only happen in the present moment, because only then does our body switch to rest and repair mode.

The reason for this is as follows.

5. You are still trying to control or force an outcome.

You cannot let go of control. You try to force your progress because you are still acting from your wounded masculine energy, regardless of your gender.

The spiritual path asks us to get out of our head and into our heart and body.

When we embrace our feminine energy and embody its divine expression, we are able to be open, vulnerable, and receptive. This is key on our healing journey. It’s a process where we learn to surrender, lean in, trust and be patient more and more. We move away from this rushing culture of wanting instant results and gratification. We are at peace with ourselves and the unfolding of our journey.

6. You are still comparing your path with that of others.

In the beginning, we look to others for inspiration on how to even start this healing journey. But at some point we have to shift our focus away from them and onto ourselves.

If you keep your focus on others, you put tremendous pressure on yourself because you’re constantly comparing your progress to where they are on their journey or what they are doing. And you’re back to example 5 where you’re trying to control or force an outcome.

Stop putting pressure on yourself about how far along you should be on your journey. Stop comparing.

Relax. This is not a competition.

Enjoy where you are right now. Everything is as it should be. You are not behind. You are on schedule as your soul decided prior to your incarnation. Everything unfolds in your unique divine timing.

7. You developed a spiritual ego and are actually bypassing.

You identify with your practices.

You have created a spiritual personality.

You do all these things because that’s what a spiritual person does. Or rather, it’s what you think a spiritual person does.

In all of this you are so busy upholding a mask of a spiritual personality that you forget or consciously bypass the feeling and healing part.

You can’t positive think your way out of the need for healing or fake it until you make it.

You can do all the right things, attend all the right seminars, eat the right food, wear the right clothes, own all the right crystals, etc., but if you don’t feel the meaning of it all, if you don’t feel it in your body, if you don’t live with intention and attention and constantly try to avoid your emotions, you are trying to bypass the step where we face our shadows with loving awareness.

Then everything is just a masquerade or a facade.

We see our wounds, traumas, unhealthy habits, and old emotions. We acknowledge them and FEEL them.

We feel it all. We don’t bypass and pretend that we are all just love and light. No, we feel all emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. Feeling is healing.

We don’t hold on to the beautiful states of joy, bliss and peace, nor to the lower states of sadness, anger, frustration, and worry.

We enjoy the blissful states. We enjoy the lower states. Without judgement. Without attachment. But with acceptance, because we know that we are in a state of flow just like the Universe.

8. You still think you need your practices.

You may be well on your way to truly master being a self-healer and embodying the divine feminine qualities, but you are still holding on to all your practices.

It’s like you’re afraid to let go of your crutches or training wheels. You cling to them because you believe that without them you won’t be able to keep your energy and consciousness at a higher level.

This is what happened to me. I believed that in order to thrive as a highly sensitive person in this world I needed all of my practices. I was afraid to let go of them and fully step into the unknown. That’s why I had very rigid morning and evening routines. I know they propelled me forward on my spiritual path, but there came a moment when I was asked to take it to the next level. But I didn’t want to.

And then the Universe intervened and put me in situations where I wasn’t able to sustain my practices. It felt like a nudge from my team in spirit. “You can do it. You got this!” And I jumped. I had no other choice. I trusted. And I jumped.

And the Universe caught me.

I feel freer now, freer than ever before.

It was a lesson in surrendering fully to the present moment, trusting the unknown, accepting whatever comes up, practicing what suits me at that exact moment and not what my routine tells me to do, feeling it all, coming back to my centre, keeping my energy high, and trusting completely in the unfolding of my spiritual path and in the Divine.

That’s how we transition from DOING the work to BEING it.

We can’t plan, rush or force our transformation, evolution, and ascension.

We are devoted to our path and walk it with ease and grace.

We know that this is a natural process, as natural as breathing.

Don’t judge yourself if you recognise yourself in one or more of these examples. You did your best with the level of awareness you had.

Be grateful that you are aware of this now. Awareness is the first step of transformation and healing.

We are here to learn.

What do we learn?

Presence and non-attachment.

What do we achieve through this?

Freedom, joy and inner peace.


And remember.

You are the powerful one.

You have everything you need for this journey within you.

You intrinsically know how to do this.

You are a self-healer.


Listen to your inner knowing and the guidance of your soul, that ever present awareness beyond your ego and your thoughts.

That’s how you allow this natural process of ascension and shift in consciousness to happen.


If you missed part I, you can read it here.


Ines Kirste

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